facebook

Let's Talk July 2020

July was a month of days out, ‘Dark Knight, and deactivating Facebook.

With quarantine and working from home this past month I’ve still found myself a bit up and down mentally but during these “strange times” I’ve accepted it and I’m okay with it. Physically my right leg is still sore as hell, i’m definitely less okay with it- lets continue the stretches. Mood swings are expected, it’s normal to have them, that’s what i’m self- reassuring. What has helped lots however has been less daily social media. I wrote at length previously about why I deactivated Facebook but four weeks later this is something that’s stuck. I’ve deactivated before for a day at a time, so i’m a little surprised, but this has been so liberating, and not nearly as FOMO-inducing as I had worried. Who knew!?! Definitely a win for my 2020.

Lockdown is easing, and with better weather these past few weeks we made an effort to go out and about a bit more. On a very sunny saturday we headed out West a bit and went to Armadale Beach Bay and Strathy Point, packing swimming gear and towels. Despite good intentions this was mistimed, and wind (and rising tides) meant that we weren’t really able to get swimming at all. Ailish tried all the same, but standing in the sea with waves that go up and overhead is maybe all the indication and warning anyone needs. Nonetheless we walked and explored lots, and I took far too many photos and videos as usual: is 300+ too many? Definitely.

Two weeks later we headed to Latheronwheel Harbour to visit The Fairy Glen. Ailish and Wes had been here previously, but despite all my time in Caithness, I had never been. When we arrived the harbour was full of people picnicking, diving from height and swimming -we *really* shouldve brought our own gear- and the walk was a good hour of wandering. Over the bridge, up the hill, and finally down again through the trees to the Fairy Glen itself. Full of trees, rocks, logs and stumps with small decorative doors, windows, and paths, it’s a miniature woodland town with plenty of imagination, heart, and craft skill. We didnt get to see any actual fairies while we were there, they were obviously having a lockdown quarantine of their own. It was inspiring though- I left wanting to make a Fairy House for myself/garden.

This month we rewatched The Dark Knight trilogy. Batman Begins is a shocking 15 years old this month so it made sense to go back and watch them all. The franchise introduced me to director Christopher Nolan’s work, and while I loved them all at the time, it’s now really easy to see their faults/limitations/plot holes. I think for what it’s worth Batman Begins is easily the best Batman film ever with some of the backstory choices and narrative thematics, but The Dark Knight is without a doubt the best film film of the trilogy for just how damn stylish and tightly plotted it is. Dark Knight Rises is fun, but overdrawn, and really not the send-off the trilogy needs. Watching them all back to back now the trilogy feels very uneven in both pace and tone, with some very loose connections, but I still prefer them by far to all the other Batman films. We also watched The Conjuring and Hereditary this month, scary shit. The former was fun and felt relatively trope, the latter was…well, i’m still thinking about it at large, twenty days later. It’s a really bold film, it’s mastercraft slowly unravelling and scaring me the more I think back to it. What a film.

With things in the UK “going back to normal” I made a final push on what i’m building at the moment. I started landscaping for a Lego Castle back in April by building a waterfall but it sat mostly stagnant after realising that due to everything else, it wasn’t going to be at any of the exhibitions/shows later this year I had planned. I spent a few days this month getting good work done on it however and i’m very happy with how it’s coming along, if still somewhat daunted at everything I now need to do to finish it. I *might* have had this feeling before at just…everything i’ve done creatively? The picture below is a bit crap but the potential is there! I’m hoping to have this finished and forested by the end of next month. We’ll see.

This month (and hopefully going forward?) i’ve been posting here, and so far it seems to be going okay. Reflection, and writing are quite important I think, and i’ve found it good while everything the world over turns to shit, no irony. It still seems selfish to put so much focus and energy on myself, but it certainly feels like it’s been working. I made a 1 Second Everyday this month as ever, i’m still really enjoying doing that. Trying to embed it as video here, i’m enjoying that less so.

Phonetically, the word “month” is weird, right? MUN-TH.

I deactivated Facebook

2020 has been a weird year for me, and i’d by lying if I said Lockdown wasn’t a big part of that. Ive alluded previously to media exhaustion and certainly when everything was all falling apart in March (AND April, AND May) I found myself relying on my phone and social media a lot more. One for news, two for, well, comfort I guess? During Lockdown I’ve leaned heavily into refresh loops and endless scrolling, and while for the most part I found myself informed, I was also continually, disappointed, tired, and angry. Part of this was at poor Government leadership, but a much bigger part of it was just constant online toxicity.

I was mega irritable and always drained, I had a really hard time switching off and doing things for myself. I did achieve things eventually but usually always against an unfocused self. I would switch my phone off for entire days, delete apps, and then a week and a half ago, I just decided to delete everything off Facebook outright. Individual photos from holidays, my graduation, videos, life, everything. It took forever (did you know that Facebook really doesn’t like you bulk-deleting your own content?). Increasingly in recent years I haven’t been posting and ‘engaging’ Facebook and I was only ever there for THE SCROLL and just force of habit. But doing that always fed me the same thing: lots of faux outrage and controversy all the time over lots of stuff that (really) didn’t matter, and just endless inane bickering. Likes and shares for a new shop, sponsored content, and countless “You may be interested in” posts. Annoyingly, the algorithm would continue to repeat that content over again instead of what I actually wanted to see from the people I wanted to hear from. For the last year and maybe more the site definitely wasn’t helping me “connect and share with the people in life” and in Spring 2020 that is really what I needed more than anything. The site -or my algorithm- just became a cycle of judging, hate, and misinformation- something that’s actively in the news atm with corporations and advertisers pulling out too. I doubt the companies are quite as concerned about their mental health as I was, but still.

I asked friends who weren’t on Facebook how they managed without it, if they had FOMO and just generally I think I had built up the very skewed perception that my social life was that website, and that website only. Deactivating it that sunday morning suddenly became a very big decision and I worried that my social life was over, I was going to be weird, I was going to miss so much…I just did it. Lockdown has already helped re-evaluate what and who are important in my life, I know what I like, I know what I want to do, and I know who’s interested in supporting those things by the regular check-ins and catch ups. Things pivoted and changed in these three months for myself and Facebook doesn’t have a place anymore… but for the better I think? That’s why this post exists- I’m going to try blogging again. If I have life events I should be talking about them, I should be sharing and writing about them, it’s just not something I want or necessarily need to do on Facebook. It’s 2020, social media is corporate media, I’m not sure if blogging is cool or not, lets give it a shot. It’s good to try new different things once in a while.